I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
