i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
