i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
