Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
