A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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