i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
