the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
