1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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