my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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