I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
