There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
