I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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