i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Randomize
