I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
