I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
