I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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