My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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