Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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