I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
