I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
