she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
