you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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