Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
