just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
