here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
It's just like the Real World with babies
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
