Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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