Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize