I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
