i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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