He disabled his match.com account in front of me
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
