just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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