Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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