I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
