could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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