I just threw up on my dentist
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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