Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
