you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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