did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
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