Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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