your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
