You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm always down for nudity.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
