hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
