Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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