you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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