She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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