I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
