I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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