Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
