He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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