If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
