i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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