I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize