i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
