Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
