dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
His nipple licking is glorious
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