i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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