the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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