so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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