i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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