tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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