Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
