Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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