You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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