if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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