I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
