I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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