What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Pooping to opera.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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