The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
