This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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