just tell him i said nine months
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
