If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
