people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
