i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
