I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
