i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
