im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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