we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize