You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
