Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
