Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
