I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
That reminds me...we need to get swords
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
