If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
