He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
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