Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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