billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
