where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
