It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Randomize
