Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Randomize
