Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
