Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
