5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize