My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
