as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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