Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The convent might be a nice break from real life
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
