Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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