rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
