i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
