yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize