we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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