Me. At least after what I've been through.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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