i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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