Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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