My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
