Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
