we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
