I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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