is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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