break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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