apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
