I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
