i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
