I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
