They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
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